Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Abby Ferber: We've often taught it as a us versus them kind of problem, right? You know, white people versus all people of color. And then people get into these, you know, hardened categories, like, you know, "Well, I didn't do this to you, and so you can't blame me," or, "Why did you do this?" And that's not what it's about.
It's about looking at how we're all a part of this same society and have been put into these categories whether we like it or not. We didn't create them, but now that we're in them, what does that mean? How can we be accountable to one another? What do we do with it? What do we wanna change?
[00:00:47] Sam Fuqua: That's Abby Ferber, and this is Well, That Went Sideways, a podcast that serves as a resource to help people have healthy, respectful communication.
We present a diversity of ideas, tools, and techniques to help you transform conflict in relationships of all kinds. In this episode, we talk with Abby Ferber about her work teaching students about privilege. She's a professor in sociology and women's and ethnic studies at the University of Colorado.
She's also director of the Matrix Center for the Advancement of Social Equity and Inclusion, which is home to the KNAPSACK Institute, a public effort to transform teaching and learning. I'm Sam Fuqua, co-host of the program with Alexis Miles. Hi, Alexis.
[00:01:36] Alexis Miles: Hi, Sam.
[00:01:37] Sam Fuqua: And we're pleased to be joined for this episode of Well, That Went Sideways by Abby Ferber.
Hello. Thank you for spending time with us. Thank you, Sam and Alexis. Happy to be here.
[00:01:48] Alexis Miles: Abby, I'd like to just dive right in. You've spent decades studying privilege, oppression, extremist movements, and those kinds of things. What sparked your interest in these matters?
[00:02:03] Abby Ferber: That's a great question. You know, I think the, those are issues that I've been pulled to my whole life, you know, since a very young age, and always did volunteer work while I was growing up and chose classes I could take that focused on issues of inequity.
Uh, in high school I started an organization called Students for Nuclear Awareness, and then I volunteered at a shelter for unhoused people, and that's, you know, just always what's drawn me in, always attracted to, you know, the underdog in books that I read, and always questioned things. Always, always. And, uh, my mom actually used to complain that I'd ask why too many times, and often her response was, "Because I'm your mother and I said so."
[00:02:53] Alexis Miles: When people first encounter the idea of privilege, what are some of the most common misunderstandings that they have?
[00:03:02] Abby Ferber: That's a great question, and one that I encounter all the time in teaching, that's for sure. And I think people often respond defensively if they are a white person, if we're talking about white privilege, for example.
Uh, and I think people often feel they're under attack in some way and, and take it very personally. So I, I think it takes a lot of work to kind of undo all of those immediate reactions that get triggered, and to work through all of the myths and assumptions to really help people understand what it really is about, what privilege really means, and what their role is in the systems of privilege.
[00:03:47] Alexis Miles: So it seems like you're able to move it from an accusation to an exploration.
[00:03:56] Abby Ferber: Yes, exactly, and I think that's what we have to do. And I think, for example, in teaching, in workshops, you know, for facilitators, we can preempt a lot of that defensiveness and a lot of the questions we know that we always get when we introduce the subject by planning how we're going to introduce it, by preparing students or colleagues, by building up a sort of knowledge base or, uh, you know, emotional, social-emotional skills to be able to talk about it in a way where people don't automatically just react, but stop and think.
[00:04:34] Alexis Miles: And that sounds like any conflict then. That in any conflict, those are some of the things that we try to do at the beginning- Yeah ... to diffuse defensiveness, um, so that people feel safe and- Yeah ... willing to be open and honest.
[00:04:48] Abby Ferber: Yeah, I think that's absolutely right.
[00:04:51] Alexis Miles: And can you say some of the, the strategies you use to do that?
[00:04:57] Abby Ferber: Sure. Uh, it's easiest for me to talk about teaching since that's where, you know, I'm dealing with these issues every day. So in teaching, I usually spend the first couple weeks having students do a lot of exploration of themselves and their assumptions and values and their own life experiences. And we spend some time talking and doing some activities around the topic of triggers.
And not the way triggers has been talked about in the media as, you know, trigger warnings, uh, you know, and letting people know something might be upsetting, but in much more depth. Really, I use the work of Kathy Obear, who has written a lot on triggers and the triggering process. And so we explore, each of us, you know, I include myself in there with my students, our own triggers.
What kinds of things trigger us when they come up, come up in a class on race and ethnicity, or gender and sexuality, or any dynamics of privilege and inequality? And then we ask ourselves a series of questions and go back and look at why those things trigger us, where it comes from, because most of the time it has very deep roots, you know, what it reminds us of.
And then we examine how we react to triggers, right? And not to say there's one reaction that's right or wrong, but we need to become familiar with the ways in which we do react when we're triggered, because everyone's triggered by something, right? And then think about, "Is this the way I want to react in the future when I'm triggered?
Has it been successful for me? Has it led to open conversations or shut them down?" And then really explore alternative ways that we can respond that might be much more productive in maintaining relationships, in terms of being consistent with the values that we state we hold onto, and in terms of being able to have civil, respectful dialogue.
So that, that's one of the ways that I f- I find to be very helpful.
[00:07:00] Alexis Miles: So it sounds to me that you're making what might be an invisible process visible, so that instead of us just rela- reacting to something that's unconscious, you help bring it into awareness so that we have more choices around it. Is, is that- Yeah
accurate?
[00:07:16] Abby Ferber: Yeah, exactly. That's a great way to describe it. And, you know, students always say that it's one of the most meaningful activities we do in the class because it's something, you know, that helps you throughout the rest of your life. Because as I said, you know, we often have family members that trigger us for some reason.
And so it helps us to examine where our reactions come from, and so we can start to think about that in every aspect of our life. But it particularly lays a strong foundation for a class where you're going to be able to build some level of trust among one another, treat each other with respect, and really preempt any possibilities for those kinds of extremely negative emotional responses.
[00:08:02] Alexis Miles: So I And people like me who are not in a classroom setting, like when we're listening to something like the news- Mm-hmm ... would it be a good start to just ask ourselves when we're feeling really triggered, ready to go to war with someone, to just stop and say, "Huh, this is interesting. Why am I reacting like this?
Why is my reaction so strong and intense?" Is that a useful beginning point?
[00:08:32] Abby Ferber: I think it definitely is. You know, people often talk about reflecting on our own behaviors with curiosity, and I think that's really an important point to start, is to think about why those things are triggering us, if they're connected to maybe some deeper unconscious patterns or experiences we had when we were younger, and work through th- that dynamic, right?
It doesn't mean those things aren't gonna trigger us anymore, but at least we understand more about where that deep emotional response is coming from and why, and also help us to think through, you know, maybe do we need to make some changes in our life so that we're not exposing ourselves to something that's really triggering over and over and over again, or think about some new ways we can respond to kind of redirect the way we think about the issues that's, you know, healthier for us, healthier for the world.
[00:09:30] Sam Fuqua: How does that work in the moment in a classroom? And if someone, say, calls someone out in a, in an confrontational or negative way, how do you respond or how do the other students respond? Is there a typical strategy there?
[00:09:48] Abby Ferber: Yeah, that's a great question. And I wanted to just mention for our listeners that I co-direct this amazing program every summer called the Knappzac Institute, Transforming Teaching and Learning, and it's open to the public because we're all educators in some sense.
And so we focus a lot on this question because it's something so vexing for all of us, whether we're educators or not, right? What do we do in the moment? And those kind of, you know, emotional explosions happen, people call each other out, and so there's lots of tools and strategies we can use in the moment.
So besides other strategies of, you know, preempting, I think, you know, one is, is having some kind of community agreement or basic ground rules for conversations. A lot of people do that, and it's really important that all the people involved agree to those and help build them rather than just being told, "These are the rules for our discussion."
People need to feel invested in the conversations. Then also, I always recommend to people If someone says something in your class or in another setting, all of a sudden out of the blue you're shocked, you don't know how to respond, there's a number of things you can do. You know, one is you can say, "Okay, I can tell, you know, this is an issue that we have a wide range of feelings about.
Let's stop. Everyone take out a piece of paper and write down what you're feeling right now." And so that helps to diffuse the emotion, you know, a little bit and have people stop and reflect. Another way you can do that is ask people to s- to stop and write down perhaps the answer to a question you pose, or just how are you feeling right now, and then have them crumple it up.
And don't put their name on it, but have them crumple it up. You toss them all in the middle of the room, and then each student goes and picks one out of the pile, and you go around and each student reads one, but it's not their own. And so it, it, students don't feel as vulnerable that way. It's not, you're not reading what it is you feel, but you're reading what another student feels.
And in that way, students really open up to seeing what their other classmates are feeling that they may have had no idea about. They may start to feel like they need to be accountable for what they're saying a little bit more, and it helps everyone to just see each other's perspectives. And usually at that point, you can move on to a more productive discussion and talk about why people may have been feeling angry or sad or upset, and move on in a more pr- positive way.
Another thing, one other thing I just always tell people is you can always come back to the discussion. So if you really don't know what to do in the moment or it's just really too, too difficult, you don't wanna say the wrong thing, you don't wanna do the wrong thing, you can just say, "Okay, this is a really important topic.
We're gonna come back to this next class. I'm gonna, maybe I'm gonna go do a little bit of research about the issue so we can have a more informed discussion about this. So between now and then, you know, think about it. Maybe write down why you're feeling the way you are, and then we'll come back to it next class."
And then that gives you time to go and talk to colleagues and ask for support to figure out how you're gonna really respond next time. But you never wanna just leave it and not respond, right? Because it's our job to, you know, support our students that are being harmed by those kinds of interactions.
[00:13:22] Alexis Miles: That sounds like a good idea. Yeah. And I'm wondering if the matrix that you created, I think you call it the matrix of privilege and oppression, I wonder if that's also helpful. Because without knowing much more about it other than the name, I'm guessing that it helps people see some of the complexities instead of, uh, uh, just seeing everything in a binary.
You're right, I'm wrong. You're privileged, I'm not privileged. I'm, I'm guessing that it helps us identify- Yeah. Yeah ... places where we are privileged and not privileged, and to be more nuanced in our understanding.
[00:13:58] Abby Ferber: Definitely. And that is really its goal, to provide an intersectional perspective, because we all have multiple intersecting identities.
We're never just our race or just our gender. And then also to provide a more historical and cultural context so that we're not just focusing on us as individuals, but we see the larger structures and the history that's brought us to where we are. Would you like me to describe
[00:14:27] Alexis Miles: the matrix? I would love to hear your description of it, yeah.
[00:14:31] Abby Ferber:
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